i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
