i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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