I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
