Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
