Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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