Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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