What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
