Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
