The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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