Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
