In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
