some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
