then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
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