I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
