You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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