Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize