There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
