He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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