Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
