that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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