PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
