i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
