i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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