she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
