party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
