super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
