some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
