If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize