apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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