you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
