I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
honey bunches of taint.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
is it fun? or sober?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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