when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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