no, he came in my armpit
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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