His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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