Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
