last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
is wine microwaveable?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
