i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize