Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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