I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
