never play flip cup with pint glasses
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
