You made me cry and you don't even care
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
