I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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