You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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