I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
