you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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