I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
