There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I need moral support for this bender
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
