he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
