You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
