so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
