Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I wish I only lived at night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
