Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize