apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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