they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
