lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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