All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
