But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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