I can text with my tongue
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Randomize
