fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
