My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
