you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
