I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
