Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
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