is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
