I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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