Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
