I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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