Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
