So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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